he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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