Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
