did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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