I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
