Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
