A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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