____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
