He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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