I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
