He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
