a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
