Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
