Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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