i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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