i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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