I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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