Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
