Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
