I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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