do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
