she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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