enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
