Jerry, you need to find god
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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