is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
