I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
