Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
