those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
