hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
