we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
