if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
