he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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