Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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