FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
