Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
