he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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