He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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