To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize