either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
