he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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