oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ugly people sure do ruin things
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
