he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
