HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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