Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
