I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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