LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
