My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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