yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize