I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
