my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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