My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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