It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
