I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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