im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize