Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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