Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
