I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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