So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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