All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
