My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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