i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
