Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
