Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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