Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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