I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
