How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
