Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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