At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
