someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
