Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
