oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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