if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
