she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
