Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
