If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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