My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
