id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
