yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
