all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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