So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
