Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
