dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
