Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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