Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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