On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
