THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
