It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize